I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
