U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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