and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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