if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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