What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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