just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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