she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
