The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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