Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
