i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
