I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
