I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We're too hungover to prance.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
