in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
