I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
