well you can't waste a boner
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
