my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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