I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They are going to name an STD after you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
