Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
