$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
