my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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