I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
