Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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