I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
