just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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