I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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