I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
