Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I got her a Nickelback box set.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
