either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
