Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm at about main and main street
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
