I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
