Im at strip club and am horny
I'm jealous of your bromance
Screwed.edu
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
