we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
