I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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