I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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