please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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