and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
