can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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