Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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