Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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