so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
