if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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