Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
