We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
