I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
