his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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