So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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