she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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