The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
