Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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