i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
