I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
