dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
