They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
