Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
